Where You At, Baby?

I love the double entendre of this title. I am in fact thinking both in terms of where my baby is in the world these days as well as trying to figure out my own mind about this whole adoption adventure.

Sometimes I lay awake at night trying to process the fact that my baby might be out there somewhere. Out there with a birth mom and dad and a family, and here I am waiting for something to go wrong so that I can have the chance to be their mom instead. Man what a head trip!

Some nights I just try to imagine what it would be like to hold a child in my arms and not have to give them back to someone else...

Anyway, I heard this song the other day and it just totally summed up how I feel, go ahead, have a good cry if you need to...I did!



You can imagine that I don't sleep much or well lately.

Knowing now that our wait times are longer I...well I mostly just try not to think about it too much. Sometimes I succeed for whole hours at a time!

Oh yeah, and yet another baby shower to attend on Friday. I will go and I will smile and I will cuddle. But in the end I must remember that it is very wrong to smuggle a baby home in my purse :) ! Just kidding of course, but man, I am really starting to hate baby showers. Of course I also have to deal with teh fact that this particular new mother (while I am very happy for her) had been in the middle of the domestic adoption process and then just "popped" up pregnant. Just like ALL those mythical stories people always tell me about. You know the ones, "Oh honey, I knew a woman who got pregnant as soon as they started the paperwork." Yeah, because I chose adoption as the magical cure to my fertility issues. Sheesh!

Things To Look Forward To

Right, I am soooo done with EVERYTHING. Impatient at work, frustrated, stressed. I find that I cry a LOT these days. SO much going on, baby stuff, dad's very sick (he's lost 110 pounds in the last 6-7 months), worried about finances with trying to save the last bits of adoption funds and travel money. I feel like for every step forward we take 3 backwards. I have to make it through 8 more weeks at work before summer break and it cannot come soon enough! I hate to just sit back and whine so I have come up with things to look forward to each weekend to keep my spirits up and help me get through.

Weekends:
May 2 In Dauphin for Act Fest!
May 9 Getting my nose pierced with some girlfriends
May 16 recuperating from oral surgery-ok not fun but it is something to do!
May 23 Sword dance performance
May 30 ???
June 6 ???
June 13 ???
June 20 ???
June 27 ???

I'm open to suggestions maybe I need another tattoo????? Sushi night???? Any ideas, how do you gals help yourselves through the endless weeks?