No News...but Presents!!

Little Bear's birthday was not forgotten! Look at these adorable gifts our families sent:

Thanks Mom-you know I love books!

 Thanks Aunty Jen for making this lovely and OH SO SOFT blanket-sure to be a favourite! I cannot even tell you how soft this thing is- I want one for me!!!

 Little Bear's Aunt Nichole and Uncle Brian making sure he is well outfitted!

So no news...but lot of love and people thinking, hoping, wishing, and praying for our LB.  For now, that's pretty amazing. 

Finally, thank you  to everyone out there in the Blogosphere-your help, and support do keep me going!

Anticipation builds....

as we wait to find out next week if we are finally moving on past the medical stage of the visa wait.  The paperwork is supposed to be ready on Monday the 10th. I don't imagine we will know anything until Wednesday the 12th. Fingers crossed they will finally sign off and send our paperwork back to Nairobi by Friday the 14th. Who'd have thought a decision we made years ago to go the PRV route instead of Citizenship would cause this much of a hassle. And again I ask, if the darned 2nd medical check is so important then why isn't it required for both processes? That baffles me.

Happy Birthday Little Bear!

Dear Little Bear,

I can't believe you are a year old today. Don't grow up too fast little one! Mommy wishes she could be with you to hug and kiss you all day long and tell you how special you are. How loved you are. Hopefully we will be together very soon.

Make a birthday wish for your VISA ok? We would like to come get you for Daddy's birthday at the end of the month, or Mommy's birthday in February, so how about if we combine all of our birthday wishes together? Oh, Grandma's birthday is in February too...wow, that's a lot of wishing and hoping we can combine together....see you soon my son.

Love, Mommy

Come On 2011!

My Theme Song for 2011:


Goodbye 2010! Don't let the door hit ya on the way out!!!  2011 ARE YOU LISTENING???  I want all positive all the time 2011. No more of this "hurry up and wait" junk. No more bad news.



I have such highs hopes for 2011, making that amazing trip to Ethiopia, becoming a Mom, getting some schooling done, getting caught up on projects for the house-so many things that I am looking forward to. Most of all looking forward to getting to know my son....this is our year-it has to be.

Winter Wonderland!

Ok, I have to admit this was pretty cool....snow day!!!!  Gotta love those stolen moments where you can stay home and snuggle up in bed.

Seriously....

you don't even want to hear the language that came out of my mouth today.  We've been waiting for a very long 8 weeks to pass to prove (for the 3rd time) that our son is ready to come to Canada free of any illnesses.   I should mention that AT EVERY SINGLE one of the tests he's had so far he has been proven completely healthy (except for a cold) but they refuse to sign off his medical ...WTF?  So we find out today....yep gonna have to wait another 4 weeks for those results.  Are you freaking kidding me?  At this rate the EARLIEST we will travel will be February, assuming all goes well from that point on. Let's be realistic, NOTHING HAS EVER GONE SMOOTHLY OR QUICKLY FOR US in this process.

I am going to go indulge in something chocolately and try to calm down enough to function again.

Bah Humbug!

Seriously this is my attitude right now. Not the skinflint part, thank goodness there is a part of me that still knows how to give to others. However, the sentiments about Christmas....well.....right now I totally agree with Scrooge. I feel hard and sharp inside; eaten up with bits of loss, jealousy, and feeling defeated. For a season of hope....I have none. I am tired of hoping only to be shot down.

We have not put up a tree, no decorations, no baking, no visits, no parties, no presents. We are boycotting Christmas. We were driving around the other night and were crabbing about the idiots who waste their money and time on putting up outdoor lights...what's the point- you just take them down in a couple of weeks anyway? For a long while I couldn't figure out why every year we care less and less about these "trappings" of the holidays. It has definiftely gotten worse over the last few years-for both of us. We have no family around to visit, the only friends that I would want to spend the holiday with live too far away, and oh yeah, ALL of them have these beautiful children. I love them dearly...but right now can't stand to be around that...it just makes our absent son seem that much more obvious and painful. We truly thought we would have our son home for the holidays...the fact that he isn't here, with no end in sight is just too depressing for us to contemplate celebrating the holidays. I truly do love and care for my friends but seeing them all living their lives, moving on, popping out babies they weren't even sure they wanted...that hurts.

And, dear readers if you remember this previous blog: jealousy, well, I'm outta luck. They had a beautiful baby girl, a month early.  Now, a good person would be all kinds of excited for them, and after a difficult pregnancy and an emergency c-section they had their babe A MONTH FRICKEN EARLY!!! I know myself enough to know that I WILL love this new babe, once I see her, hold her and fall in love with her. But in the abstract, it is SO NOT FAIR(she screams as she stomps her feet). See how hateful I am? Don't worry, I don't even like myself very much right now.

Huh, I kinda enjoyed that pity party! I think this is what is called "rock bottom".


Timeline check: our journey to bring children into our home began in 2004, after years of trying we lovingly embraced the idea of adoption, paperwork began in 2007, official DTE July 2008, referral April 2010, passed court June 2010 he has legally been our son for 6 months. Visa is no-where in sight....sure I can be perky for the holidays right????? HA! I am tired from this 7 year journey, I have become a royal crankpot...much like Mr. Scrooge.