Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Anxiety over day care

Sadly I have to go back to work on Sept. 6th, which means day care for Biya.  I am seriously struggling with this.  Biya seems to be well attached and adjusted to our famly life-but what if he starts to see his new day home provider as "mama"?  He will be with her from 7:45-4:00 every day until December.  Of course they will have a relationship.  Already I am super jealous of the time that she will get to spend with MY son.  Ack!, just typing this has me crying again. There is no way that I can be the stay at home Mom financially speaking.  Life is so not fair. 

I am trying to console myself with the knowledge that come January when he's 2 we can move him to the regular daycare that is right next door to my classroom so that I can see him anytime I wish.  It will also mean much less time in day care overall-only 8:20-3:15. Still not ideal but better.  Am I horribly selfish that I can hardly wait for him to turn 2 so that he is in a bigger daycare with more kids and more adults and LESS chance of him thinking of one of the care givers as "Mama"?  The lady who will care for Biya from September to Dec. is a good friend and I know she will do a good job, I am just nervous about being replaced. 

I know intellectually from having watched my husband (who had to return to work the day after we returned home from Ethiopia) that the bond does happen-its a matter of the QUALITY of time spent together -not neccessarily the QUANTITY. However, my heart doesn't want to listen to facts.  My heart wants to say, let's sell the house and everything we own, rent a trailer, and let me quit working!

Words of advice from BTDT would be welcomed, this anxiety is keeping me up at night (and goodness knows good sleep is hard enough to come by with a little one around!).