Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Anxiety over day care

Sadly I have to go back to work on Sept. 6th, which means day care for Biya.  I am seriously struggling with this.  Biya seems to be well attached and adjusted to our famly life-but what if he starts to see his new day home provider as "mama"?  He will be with her from 7:45-4:00 every day until December.  Of course they will have a relationship.  Already I am super jealous of the time that she will get to spend with MY son.  Ack!, just typing this has me crying again. There is no way that I can be the stay at home Mom financially speaking.  Life is so not fair. 

I am trying to console myself with the knowledge that come January when he's 2 we can move him to the regular daycare that is right next door to my classroom so that I can see him anytime I wish.  It will also mean much less time in day care overall-only 8:20-3:15. Still not ideal but better.  Am I horribly selfish that I can hardly wait for him to turn 2 so that he is in a bigger daycare with more kids and more adults and LESS chance of him thinking of one of the care givers as "Mama"?  The lady who will care for Biya from September to Dec. is a good friend and I know she will do a good job, I am just nervous about being replaced. 

I know intellectually from having watched my husband (who had to return to work the day after we returned home from Ethiopia) that the bond does happen-its a matter of the QUALITY of time spent together -not neccessarily the QUANTITY. However, my heart doesn't want to listen to facts.  My heart wants to say, let's sell the house and everything we own, rent a trailer, and let me quit working!

Words of advice from BTDT would be welcomed, this anxiety is keeping me up at night (and goodness knows good sleep is hard enough to come by with a little one around!).


Leanne said...

It will be a challenge not having those hours together but as a home daycare provider who dearly loves all the little ones I care for I can say with confidence - they always know who mama is and who "Mrs. Lee" is. It is awesome if they bond with their care worker - it's just easier all around, but rest assured - there is no replacing you.

Melissa said...

I completely feel your pain, Steph. I actually had to have Ken drop the kids off the first week they went to daycare because I just emotionally couldn't do it. Keep in mind that the little one will cry way less than you on that first day.

One thing no one ever tells does not get easier the longer they attend daycare. Sure, your tears will probably stop flowing after the first few weeks, but you will always miss your little guy while you're at work. That's how you know you're his mama, and that's how he knows you're his mama. Kids just some how sense these things.

Also, remember that when Biya is at home he has your guys' full attention. When he's at daycare he doesn't get the daycare lady's full endearing attention. This is another way he knows he belongs with you.

These little ones remember more than you would imagine. Deep in his brain, he will always remember that you were the one that picked him up in Ethiopia, you're the one he spent his first months here with.

Furthermore, I am certain you're the coolest mom on Earth and no daycare provider can top you!

Sending many hugs your way for a good first week back at work!