Winter Wonderland!

Ok, I have to admit this was pretty cool....snow day!!!!  Gotta love those stolen moments where you can stay home and snuggle up in bed.

Seriously....

you don't even want to hear the language that came out of my mouth today.  We've been waiting for a very long 8 weeks to pass to prove (for the 3rd time) that our son is ready to come to Canada free of any illnesses.   I should mention that AT EVERY SINGLE one of the tests he's had so far he has been proven completely healthy (except for a cold) but they refuse to sign off his medical ...WTF?  So we find out today....yep gonna have to wait another 4 weeks for those results.  Are you freaking kidding me?  At this rate the EARLIEST we will travel will be February, assuming all goes well from that point on. Let's be realistic, NOTHING HAS EVER GONE SMOOTHLY OR QUICKLY FOR US in this process.

I am going to go indulge in something chocolately and try to calm down enough to function again.

Bah Humbug!

Seriously this is my attitude right now. Not the skinflint part, thank goodness there is a part of me that still knows how to give to others. However, the sentiments about Christmas....well.....right now I totally agree with Scrooge. I feel hard and sharp inside; eaten up with bits of loss, jealousy, and feeling defeated. For a season of hope....I have none. I am tired of hoping only to be shot down.

We have not put up a tree, no decorations, no baking, no visits, no parties, no presents. We are boycotting Christmas. We were driving around the other night and were crabbing about the idiots who waste their money and time on putting up outdoor lights...what's the point- you just take them down in a couple of weeks anyway? For a long while I couldn't figure out why every year we care less and less about these "trappings" of the holidays. It has definiftely gotten worse over the last few years-for both of us. We have no family around to visit, the only friends that I would want to spend the holiday with live too far away, and oh yeah, ALL of them have these beautiful children. I love them dearly...but right now can't stand to be around that...it just makes our absent son seem that much more obvious and painful. We truly thought we would have our son home for the holidays...the fact that he isn't here, with no end in sight is just too depressing for us to contemplate celebrating the holidays. I truly do love and care for my friends but seeing them all living their lives, moving on, popping out babies they weren't even sure they wanted...that hurts.

And, dear readers if you remember this previous blog: jealousy, well, I'm outta luck. They had a beautiful baby girl, a month early.  Now, a good person would be all kinds of excited for them, and after a difficult pregnancy and an emergency c-section they had their babe A MONTH FRICKEN EARLY!!! I know myself enough to know that I WILL love this new babe, once I see her, hold her and fall in love with her. But in the abstract, it is SO NOT FAIR(she screams as she stomps her feet). See how hateful I am? Don't worry, I don't even like myself very much right now.

Huh, I kinda enjoyed that pity party! I think this is what is called "rock bottom".


Timeline check: our journey to bring children into our home began in 2004, after years of trying we lovingly embraced the idea of adoption, paperwork began in 2007, official DTE July 2008, referral April 2010, passed court June 2010 he has legally been our son for 6 months. Visa is no-where in sight....sure I can be perky for the holidays right????? HA! I am tired from this 7 year journey, I have become a royal crankpot...much like Mr. Scrooge.

If You Buy a Woman a Dress...

I bought this dress.......

so that I feel totally hot at the holiday parties.

Of course a great dress requires great shoes.....

These seem perfect...and walkable/danceable.

Then, of course since I will be dressed so beautifically I just had to make an appointment to get party hair....

Which will be followed by a search for the perfect makeup....

Then we have to get my handsome beau a new set of duds so that he can show me off properly...

I am worse than the mouse that was given a cookie!!!