4 Months on Sunday

Yep we've hit the 4 month mark. Assuming that I will have a 16 month wait, as so many other people have had, that means that I am 1/4 of the way through the wait! Not too bad I'm a think'in. I have to say the first two months were hard. I couldn't believe that we spent so long on all that paperwork and that we still had so far to go. Then after a while I just relaxed about the whole thing. It will take however long it takes, I get time to get ready financially, emotionally, and intellectually for having my life turned upside down by a child. I think the trick for me right now is to use my time wisely. Let's hope I am this reasonable when I hit the 10 month mark!

Goodbye Las Vegas

DH and I have been planning a fun March trip to Vegas as a way to celebrate being DINK-WAD's (Double Income No Kids- With a Dog). We thought that instead of moping around wondering when a referral might happen that we would really concentrate on enjoying the NOW. So much for that idea.

As always the DH work place has a way of messing with our plans and now my DH will be away for a few months at that time. Or maybe he won't, oh wait- no he will, no sorry work can't make up their minds if he's going or not. ARGH!

I am determined to focus on enjoying the NOW. The martini party on Friday was a great way to follow through on this resolution!

Another resolution- learning how to say "No" to people. I seriously SUCK at this. Which explains why I am the frazzled mess that I am this week. Working (60+ hrs/wk), teaching belly dance, performing, planning a Remembrance Day celebration for work, committees, tech rep, learning groups the list goes on- why is it so hard to say no?

Anyone out there ever found a cure for this?

Celebrating friendship...

I just want to say a big Thank You to all of my friends and family that have been so supportive during the adoption process. This includes all of my "online" family too. Without you gals who truly understand to the depths of your souls how frustrating this can be- I probably would be insane by now! And to my belly dancer girls- future aunties to my Ethiopian Prince/Princess- Hugs and Kisses, you are the best!

We miss you Daphne...

Baby showers....blech.

I am finding it harder and harder to be excited for women family/friends/acquaintances when they announce their pregnancies. I manage to smile, say the right things etc. but inside I am pissed off! Like my brother and his wife that are working on #2 (well, 2 for their marriage but my bro has 5 kids altogether with the 6th due in Nov.). Seriously? How fair is that?

Then, after a hard day at work, I am supposed to go to the staff room and revel in the joy of throwing a baby shower for yet another staff member that "didn't even plan for it" aren't they lucky!?!?! Ooh, and let's top all the joy with trying to force me to hold it, cuddle it, and tell you how wonderful this is and I am so happy for you. *&^$ OFF!!! Is it not enough that i contributed money to purchase lovely gifts- I was happy to do that. Just try to understand my pain in this and don't make me hold it!

In the last two years, with a staff of only 14 women (only 8 of whom are in their "child bearing years")there have been 6 pregnancies! If one more person tells me teasingly to "drink the water, surely that will fix everything and you'll be pregnant in no time" I am going to lose it.

People just don't get it. I am in pain every day about this. I have a child- I just don't know them yet. It hurts every day not getting to hug, touch and love them. To worry about what they must endure until I can be there to protect them. So don't ask me if I want to hold your baby- I don't. I want mine.