I am finding it harder and harder to be excited for women family/friends/acquaintances when they announce their pregnancies. I manage to smile, say the right things etc. but inside I am pissed off! Like my brother and his wife that are working on #2 (well, 2 for their marriage but my bro has 5 kids altogether with the 6th due in Nov.). Seriously? How fair is that?
Then, after a hard day at work, I am supposed to go to the staff room and revel in the joy of throwing a baby shower for yet another staff member that "didn't even plan for it" aren't they lucky!?!?! Ooh, and let's top all the joy with trying to force me to hold it, cuddle it, and tell you how wonderful this is and I am so happy for you. *&^$ OFF!!! Is it not enough that i contributed money to purchase lovely gifts- I was happy to do that. Just try to understand my pain in this and don't make me hold it!
In the last two years, with a staff of only 14 women (only 8 of whom are in their "child bearing years")there have been 6 pregnancies! If one more person tells me teasingly to "drink the water, surely that will fix everything and you'll be pregnant in no time" I am going to lose it.
People just don't get it. I am in pain every day about this. I have a child- I just don't know them yet. It hurts every day not getting to hug, touch and love them. To worry about what they must endure until I can be there to protect them. So don't ask me if I want to hold your baby- I don't. I want mine.
7 comments:
Oh I know exactly how you feel. I actually started bowing out of baby showers - way too hard!!!
Your post comes at a time when I was feeling very frustrated - my sis-in-law (who I love very much) seems to be on a spree of telling me every couple of weeks how I am going to get pregnant. I have to keep telling her why we can't get pregnant and how now we are expecting a child anyways.
You WILL hold YOUR baby one day and all this pain and sadness will melt away :)
I totally understand, you sound just like me. It just stings so much when we're struggling to have our family for so many years and others can just have what they want without even trying.
I'm still debating about going to baby baptisms this Thanksgiving weekend...do I really need to see 3 tiny babies in that setting with everyone asking about us....
Hugs,
Rhonda
I hate the comments on the odd occasion that I do hold someone else's child, "Oh that looks so good on you" if they don't know about our infertility or the looks of pity if they do know. It is the pity looks that really get to me.
I have pretty much stopped holding any babies and luckily I can always throw in an excuse to work if I need to avoid a baby shower.
Shannon
I am there with you! Its very, very hard. I recently posted something simlar, somedays its like our lives are in standstill while everyone else's is in fast forward.
Honestly, I started saying no to showers, even for really good friends. It just helps me stay sane. I try so hard to find joy in others having babies, but at the same time no one really understands this battle of time we are trying to conquer while we are waiting. Being pregnant for a year is no fun.
Hang in there. Sending a hug. K
Thanks for this post...wow... I feel exactly the same way but don't have the guts to say it outloud to my friends/family/colleagues.
I've been told on numerous occasions to "drink the water", "after you adopt you'll get pregnant" (um...nope...not physically possible!), given numerous babies to hold at numerous baby showers, etc. with a smile on my face while I'm crying inside.
Oh ya...just recently... a pregnant friend said that I've sure got it easy, it is definitely worth the tens of thousands of dollars to adopt internationally instead of being pregnant.
I've seen many friends meet their future husband, date, buy a house, get married and have 1, 2, or even 3 kids in the same time I've been trying to have a family. Sure sucks!
But on a positive note this journey of adoption is so exciting and I look forward to following your progress. You will hold your baby in your arms one day.
Tammy
"drink the water" - JERKS!! When you get to hold your child, the things those insensitive, stupidheads said will be a distant memory.
Great post! The longer we wait the harder I am finding it to look at other babies and pregnant women.
I feel like people don't get it...
I am gald there are a group of us out here who do.
Shannon (-:
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