I love the double entendre of this title. I am in fact thinking both in terms of where my baby is in the world these days as well as trying to figure out my own mind about this whole adoption adventure.
Sometimes I lay awake at night trying to process the fact that my baby might be out there somewhere. Out there with a birth mom and dad and a family, and here I am waiting for something to go wrong so that I can have the chance to be their mom instead. Man what a head trip!
Some nights I just try to imagine what it would be like to hold a child in my arms and not have to give them back to someone else...
Anyway, I heard this song the other day and it just totally summed up how I feel, go ahead, have a good cry if you need to...I did!
You can imagine that I don't sleep much or well lately.
Knowing now that our wait times are longer I...well I mostly just try not to think about it too much. Sometimes I succeed for whole hours at a time!
Oh yeah, and yet another baby shower to attend on Friday. I will go and I will smile and I will cuddle. But in the end I must remember that it is very wrong to smuggle a baby home in my purse :) ! Just kidding of course, but man, I am really starting to hate baby showers. Of course I also have to deal with teh fact that this particular new mother (while I am very happy for her) had been in the middle of the domestic adoption process and then just "popped" up pregnant. Just like ALL those mythical stories people always tell me about. You know the ones, "Oh honey, I knew a woman who got pregnant as soon as they started the paperwork." Yeah, because I chose adoption as the magical cure to my fertility issues. Sheesh!
2 comments:
Oh my GAWD if I had a dollar for every time someone said to me "you just watch, you're going to get pregnant now that you are adopting" after I told them we were adopting...well...I would be a very rich gal!
Adoption - the magical infertility cure...sheesh is right!
Yes, it is definitely a head trip to think that someone's heartbreak will bring your eternal happiness.
On the other, a good friend of mine DID get pregnant after applying to adopt. I was a wee bit miffed at first, but she had gone through the infertility ringer and I love her like crazy. My pet peeve is people telling me I'll find a man once I become a mother - so I guess I must be hanging my hopes on single motherhood being the cure to my old maid status :-|
Post a Comment